Its getting worst. This feeling, this being, this animal, I don't even know what it is, is getting out of my control. I seriously don't know what to do. Someone told me before that I should see a psychiatrist. For a second after being told that, I thought of doing so. But much consideration I guess I could pull it off on my own. Things got better until this thing came back. Its much more severe than before. Each time it came, it wasn't getting any better. Today was the most recent. My mind was in turmoil. I couldn't control myself. It was so bad that I wished I could get myself killed or I would bash someone till he/she gets killed. Yes, I thought about death. That's how bad things have become. Many scenarios played through my mind like I was some serial killer. My mind was in a depraved state.

These "attacks" on me will go away easily. I just needed a walk, sit down and read book. I'm worried about the next time it will happen because I know it will get worst. God knows what will happen next. As for me, I'm trying my best to prevent it from happening. I've done it before but now its getting harder for me. Hai I feel that I'm losing myself to this "animal" within me. May god protect those around me.